Everyone experiences it, and these days, it’s like we’re all living in one giant, steamy, anxiety-inducing, Instant Pot (no disrespect, Instant Pot – I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you).
No one’s immune, not the elderly, not millennials – not even preschoolers. I heard a mom call in to a radio show the other day asking a pediatrician why her 4 year-old can’t seem to focus on homework. I became the proverbial “crazy person in the car”, flailing my arms and yelling at the dashboard “has it occurred to you that a 4 year-old shouldn’t have homework”? If anyone had caught me on video and posted it to YouTube, I assure you, it would not have been my finest moment.
And that leads me to the subject of the Internet, home of viral videos and social media and blogs and so-called expert advice and actual expert advice and merch and so on. What does all of this have to with sex, you ask? Everything! Feeling pressure around how, when and why we have sex is nothing new, of course. Often times, the web can be the most incredible resource for something we humans want to engage in, learn about, get better at, watch other people do, etc. But its also created for many a sense of inadequacy, dysfunction and needless competition. In some cases, it can be confusing, especially when content is out-of-date, judgmental and inaccurate (let alone potentially damaging for children who have all-too-easy access for sites that may be inappropriate).
We all want to feel good, perform well, please our partners and be authentic in our sexual exploits whether they be solo, partnered, etc. But the pressure to conform, the pressure to compete, the pressure to keep up with bodies and attitudes and approaches that often don’t reflect our unique realities is, thanks to the Net, very real and very unsettling. I mean, do women really need to have reconstructive surgery because some self-annointed sex guru claims that vaginas of a certain age just don’t measure up? Are men only virile and attractive if they invest $15 on a special scrotum wash? Maybe, and if these things melt your butter, then by all means – have at it! But the internet marketing geniuses all-too-often have us believing that if we don’t do-this-workout-use-this-dating-app-buy-this-contraption-look-like-this-person-have-sex-this-many-times-per-week, we are weird, we aren’t sexy, we aren’t worthy and we sure as heck aren’t doing it right.
Don’t get me wrong – for many of us, reputable companies and providers can be lifesavers for those who can’t or don’t want to access in-person sex-related advice, products, services and medical care. But search with caution, and as with anything, vet your sources. When you take the time, you honor your own unique needs and preferences. We can all use to expand our sexual skills-set, but the process of exploration shouldn’t make you feel badly.
Sometimes turning something off to get turned on is just the ticket – the ticket to some pretty fabulous sex, on your very own terms.
You can count on Maze to always provide you with evidence-based information and helpful, caring providers. Contact us for a free phone consultation and see how we can help.